Vibe Magazine Folds Another End of an Era

Even though I haven't read Vibe Magazine in a MINUTE I still can't believe it's folding (ooh I hope it wasn't because of me?). But I guess if the New York Times shares could take a dramatic tumble it was only a matter of time before Vibe was on the welfare line, wit a can of refried pork beans clutching on to last seasons Gucci's for dear life.


p.s. I love how Tiny (TI's girl) and Toya (Lil' Wayne's ex) got a show on BET but Vibe is dying. My god whose baby do you have to mama to keep it poppin' out here? What is happening people????

Full article here from Gawker.com

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Fear of African Americans: Anegrophobia

A satirical commentary on the subject of "Racial Profiling" based on incidents experienced in Mississippi created by Ken Stiggers of Kearlstig Media Productions




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The Conspiracy Theorist at the Family Cookout…Michael Jackson Not Really Dead?

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

Yesterday our family had a cookout in New Jersey. When ever there is a gathering my uncle Roger stays putting me and my cousins on to the latest conspiracy theory whether it’s about UFO’s, Secret chips implanted in Asians, KFC making Black men impotent to 911 being orchestrated by the government there is always something.

His latest theory is that Michael Jackson isn’t really dead. Me and my cousins all responded, “Awwwwwww damn uncle Roger here we go.”

“Here me out, the clues are right in front of you,” uncle Roger says before listing it out for us,

1. Michael was referred to in the past tense before he was pronounced dead
2.Tito and Jermaine didn’t look that upset
3. The story from Michael’s doctor seemed shaky
4. What better way to escape all that debt

Now I’m sorry every time a major music artist passes people never want to leave it alone.

“Uncle Roger this is not enough to determine a conspiracy theory.”

“Why not? Michael’s people have duped us before putting out in the news how he slept in that Hyperbolic chamber to lighten his skin and then denied it so the press could spend more time covering Michael. Yall be caught up in the matrix if you want to but not me.”

My question is what is all this conspiracy theory knowledge suppose to prove or be protecting you from against anyway? Even if Michael faked his death the point is the man is gone. He’s at a cookout with Elvis, Tupac and Biggie Smalls. Let it go.

Though I will say one thing, in watching all the Michael Jackson news stories, tributes, E True, and CNN this one moment had me. Some attorney friend of Michael’s who’s name I didn’t catch but had me rolling as he brought back the moment of when Michael hung his new born baby out the window. The attorney justified this in saying that Michael was performing an African tradition like in Lion King where the new child is held up for the community and how dare people attack him. Hmmm?

Well it’s not quite a conspiracy but it damn sure is a theory.

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RIP Michael Jackson 1958-2009

Michael Jackson is one of those people who you never think about ever leaving this world. His music was there when I arrived in 1980, the theme music through out my childhood, took me to prom and danced the night away with me and my husband at our wedding. I can especially remember being emotionally moved by songs like "Man In The Mirror", "Billy Jean" and "Black and White" but not understanding why. In listening to some of his music again yesterday it was the first time that I really paid attention to the profound message in his lyrics addressing, race, self-reflection and of course love. When you’re eight these concepts don’t take precedent over perfecting your moonwalk.

You will be missed Michael Jackson.

"Man In The Mirror" lyrics

“Billy Jean” lyrics

"Black or White" lyrics



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Spanking Dat Ass

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

It amazes me that everyone wasn’t spanked as a child in fact there are some grown folks who I think could still use a good spanking.

I was watching the news the other day, an explosive breaking story they claimed about Kate from that TBS show Jon and Kate Plus 8 being caught in the act of hitting her daughter. They said,

“The child was making noise. Kate asked her to stop. The child ignored her. An angry Kate walks over and raises her hand to the child who immediately covers her bottom to protect her self and looked in pain as Kate struck her.”

First of all what the hell is the child supposed to look like? It’s not play time out here. The child was disobedient and therefore punished. Can you imagine if Black people ran media? There would be no kind of emphasis on topics like this.

I’ve gotten into huge debates with some of my white friends about the “act of spanking.” Not all but most feel that spanking is a form of abuse that traumatizes a child. Looka hear, these kids out her' need some trauma.

Speaking of which, do you know whose ass I would tear up? The van Kempen’s son Francois from the Real House Wives of New York. He has to be stopped. That’s a prime example of an untraumatized child out of control -screaming, yelling, running around and falling out all of which could be cured with a can of whip ass.

Please make a comment about who you think needs to be spanked, young or old.

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Perez Hilton, Shut the F*ck Up Before Somebody Really Hurts Yo' Ass

Dear Ms. Perez,

Heard about your recent scuffle with Will.I.am and his entourage. You're definitely going to want to put some Icy Hot on that eye.

Let me first start off by saying AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAHAHHAAH!

I cannot believe your sorry ass is sitting up there in your “statement” video whining and crying about the “violence” that was committed against you. You? Are you kidding me Ms. Perez? As much shit as you talk? I’m surprised your ass wasn’t shot!

The verbal violence you commit day in and day out against people in addition to your contribution to the downfall of humanity being more obsessed with celebrity trash gossip than getting an education beyond a third grade reading level warrants a TKO.

Speaking of education I looked up the word “violence” for you (meaning I dictionary dot com’d it)

Violence
an unjust or unwarranted exertion of force or power

Ooops! Miss use of the word Ms. Perez.

Whether it was a member of Will.I.am’s crew or not that punched you dead in your eye the word I believe you might want to replace “violence” with in your statement is KARMA.

Go ahead and call Suge Knight a “faggot” like you did to the Peas and I betchu you will see all types of karmic bullets flying at yo’ ass. They’ll be no sequel to your meltdown festival Ms. Perez.

And why are you using the “f” word in the first place? Aren’t you a gay rights activist Ms. Perez? Weren’t you all over Isaiah Washington during the Grey’s Anatomy scandal scorning that brotha for the use of the derogatory slur? G.L.A.A.D needs to come and knock yo’ ass out Ms. Perez.

Who are you to dictate the rules when you don’t play by them? Sorry, not all people let alone cultures play dat shit.

I think my favorite part of your video was when you talked about how “unprofessional” it was that Will.I.Am’s manager was the one that decked you (if it indeed was) I believe you might have experienced a moment of Urban Chameleonizm.

BOOYAKA! BOOYAKA! Uhhhm, that’s your cue to twitter for the police Ms. Perez.

And just for shits and giggles let’s bring back the Isaiah Washington apology courtesy of Tickles.Tv




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Macy's Department Store Bathroom Needs A New Toilet Paper Dispenser

2nd floor ladies room, third stall in- this is ridiculous. I wonder if they're also selling televisions that you have to change the channel by using pliers

The Sexually Respectable Black Girl World

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

Every Black girl needs a white girlfriend. This past Saturday my three Black girlfriends and my white girlfriend had dinner. We’ve all known each other since college and make it a monthly routine to take a break from our crazy hectic lives and check in with each other. After a couple of drinks our white girlfriend demanded to know why none of us had rsvp’d to her passion party. My loud Black girlfriend asked, “What the hell is a passion party?” And the rest of us waited for her to answer curious to know as well. Our white girlfriend seemed floored that none of seemed to know and explained that it’s a party that she will be hosting where a sex specialist comes in to show us an array of sex toys to purchase. She went down the list of objects she had recently added to her repertoire to sensationalize her nipples and clitoris including remote control underwear (which I took a personal interest in) and some edible goodies that weren’t just underwear to name a few. She finished off by saying,

“You Black girls really need to bring your vagina’s up to date. Do I have to teach you everything?”

I kinda felt like she did. For whatever reason I’ve always noticed that Black girls seem to sexually blossom much later than white girls. I can remember being a teenager in high school and beginning to mess around with boys but always having it in the back of my head… that I don’t give head. It was like an unspoken moral code amongst the respectable Black girl alliance. We all use to sit around and talk about how gross it was. Meanwhile, white girls considered this to be first base.

The latter part of high school I became steady with this guy and finally decided to commit to my first experience after months of hesitation. I remember not telling my best friend at the time for damn near a year horrified that she would think of me as a ho! Turns out she was keeping the same secret from me! So then why the level of deepness around the topic?

Even today, I find it interesting that across the board white girls get away with being more sexually free and promiscuous than Black girls without being divided into “respectable” and “unrespectable” groups.

In fact another difference I noticed between white girls and Black girls are that white girls get their dating ON. They are seeing Jimmy on Thursday, Johnny on Friday and Joseph on Saturday and all three might even get a piece and even be related. Most Black women I know not only see one guy at a time but that one guy needs to be attending church and be subjected to an AIDS test before getting to even sniff the coochie. I mean rightfully so AIDS is no joke and an issue in our community but I'm saying though?

The few Black women I do know who are living a little more la vida loca have either been influenced by a white girlfriend or influenced by another Black girlfriend who’s been influenced by a white girlfriend…and I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.

What do yall think?

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Crazy Girls On the Train Part Deux

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I wanna say that one of the fruits of the civil rights movement is the fact that we now have the freedom to not give a sh*t about what white people think about us. I believe that to be true maybe 94% of the time. The other 6% of the time, are filled with moments like these:

Rush hour. Uptown bound train at 14th street. We're packed in like sardines. Going to work, coming from work, running an errand, kids trying to get to school, I’m trying to hustle to make it to an appointment. Suddenly, voices raise. Someone just violated someone else's space by...I don't know...pushing, stepping on a toe, elbowing in the chest. I can definitely relate. One too many moments where someone has done this to me on a crowded train - without so much as the obligatory "excuse me" or "sorry" – triggering a burning desire for me to go off on them. I usually don't. Not a natural confrontational spirit I instead curse them in my head. This, however, is not true of everyone.

On today's uptown 3 train, two Black women, one with a doo-rag on her head, decided it was spectacle time and so the verbal match began. All types of “N” word and “bitch” name calling exchanged- now the altercation is on the brink of physical. Civil Rights movement out the door. I kept my iPod volume up. Cuz if I heard anymore, I might have lost my cool. A group of middle aged white men in suits were openly and hysterical with the LOL as if they were watching an episode of “who’s the baby daddy” on Jerry Springer.

Don't get me started.

Other Black people on board were giving each other that silent *stare* and shaking their heads. I caught the eye of one older Black man who looked too sad liked he'd marched for nothing. It was like another episode of Crazy girl on the train.

Original

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