Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My Crazy Ghetto Cousin

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor
Every now and again my crazy, ghetto, cousin who has cancer might I add, will call me up to thank me for the pictures of our new born daughter. Although she is a bit ghetto and crazy she appreciates our gestures of trying to stay connected as a family since we live in different states and don't see each other often. 
However, my cousin never fails to catch me of guard. One minute we’ll be talking about the importance of family, love, support, faith but the next minute she’s be telling me how some bitch tried to play her. 
"Denise" she says to me. 
"Don't you know this bitch tried to cut in front of me at the mothaf*cking fax machine line today!" 

And I'll usually respond with something to make her feel supported like, "Oh no they didn’t.” 
"I had to tell that bitch, BITCH did you not see me standing here waiting to motherf*ckin facsimile bitch?" "Bitch gonna tell me that she didn't realize I was waiting and that she sorry." "I said Bitch how you going stand there and lie like a mothaf*ckin rug telling me you didn't realize, I was standing right there holding the motherf*ckin cover sheet. Bitch is like-" 

Finally interrupting her I say, "Deyon this can't be good for the cancer I think you should try and relax." 

"You right, I can't be letting these bitches get the best of me." 

"Did you get the Jasmine tea I sent you? That really helps to calm the spirit, why don't you make yourself a pot?" 

"Can't, no kettle." 

"What happened to your kettle?" 

"I had to beat this other bitch's ass wit it last week who might I add TRIED TO PLAY ME."

There is nothing like having ghetto cousin.

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