Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Gay Chameleons vs. Urban Chameleons

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor by DJXS

** Picture this, me: Arms folded in my tastefully decorated Harlem condo and giving my laptop screen --- having just digested several posts on the Home of The Urban Chamele

on's website --- some serious, not to be played with side eye action.

Oh, and also picture those same folded arms defiantly below a luscious pair of pursed lips unleashing a few sassy "mmmmm, whateva"s upon further reflection on the aforementioned posts. **

"What's the T, boo?” you ask in a quest for the truth, I’m sure. Well I got a fairy tale for ya that ain’t got a damn thing to with glass slippers, any bears or unemployed white

girls sleeping in castles all day --- hold up, wait a minute!

So, I've been silently flag waving for this whole Urban Chameleon movement for a hot second or two. I mean, it's cute for y'all: engaging tales of effortlessly fluctuating between cultures seemingly at odds with each other. A couple of your stories have even moved me to tears, excuse me, tear. Don’t get it twisted, though; I’m not trying for come for anyone’s personal experiences. The modest display of emotion is simply cuz I loves me a theatrical moment and nothing says "dramatic Oscar clip" better than a singularly shed droplet from mine eye, but I digress.

I can hold my tongue no longer with you Urban Chameleon kids and your culture hopping chatter. Y'all really put the "me" in "chameleon" with all this "I'M juggling several different worlds" and "I-I-I’m always trying to find balance" business --- chile, boo! Oh what? You doin' something special cuz you navigate from “whattup, ma?” to foie gras to Oye Como Va? Mmmm... I vote "nuh uh". No, for the

real deal Holyfield, grab you a notepad Urban Chameleons --- or an iPad (since it is all about "me" with you urban children) --- and don't be late for the bus... cuz you 'bout to be schooled!

Long before you lil' Urban Chameleons and your "chai latte" this and "curry goat" that, there were what? The G-to-the-A-Y-S, oh yes --- THE GAYS! Peep the credentials, honey: throughout history, we gays have been chameleon-ing and fiercely setting the standard on how to do so long before you, the new crew, got all MJ about the situation cuz y'all "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'." Mmm hmmm, so while the Bible, Koran or other noted holy scripture of choice was throwing us back in the day shade with all that tired abomination hateration,

my founding forefathers and foremothers of the rainbow coalition were showin' out at night --- can you say “corset queen catwalk”? --- and blending in during the day with the breeders down atthe horse ‘n’ buggy wash... trust! Yes, celebrated urbies, your struggles are noteworthy but they don’t pre-date the skills of the gay chameleon. So don't get all Nicki Minaj up in this piece and act like y'all birf-ded this ish! Shout out to Lil’ Kim… ugh, what what?

C'mon, take a good look at history: the caterers for The Last Supper?, the designers of the soldiers' Civil War outfits... er, "uniforms"?, the entirety of Greek mythology?, the first recorded telephone transmission(you know, Alex G. Bell's "Mr. Watson, come here I need you" cries of passion)? The common denominator of them all?...HOWYOUDOIN?! Oh... and joo don't know? Probably not since most of these significant moments in history have flown under the gaydar, cuz those crafty kids were what? chameleon-ing, honey --- catch it, learn it, discern it!

Urban You Know Who's, I beseech thee: no more of this "me, je suis, yo soy" way too "I"-centric chameleon talk. Y'all need to pump your breaks and slow down with all that tryin’ to not give credit where credit is due mess --- shooot, where I come from, we consider credit stealing “pulling stunts.” Realize and recognize that this societal adaptability thang got roots like Alex Hailey, boo; it ain't a new phenomenon. I mean, y'all holdin' it down now, but it HAS been held before --- hello, good morning! So to my (g)urban chameleons past and present I say, kudos to us for our deft balancing act and let’s continue to push for a world of mutual cultural enlightenment... or rather, "ooooh, we betta do it! 10's, 10's, 10's across the board! Weeerrrrrrk!"

* Written entirely, of course, with tongue planted firmly in cheek, sorta. :)

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