By today's Urban Chameleon contributor
Brooke Lugo Smith
"It took a
lot of self discovery and rebuilding for me to even train my own eye to love
myself the way I am."
I was born with a full head of black, vibrant
curls. Today, I would say this was a great thing but at the time being born in the 80's when mixed
kids weren't trending, I developed a distorted perception of
myself. In grade school, while other
little girls' moms were taming their natural hair with relaxers, my mom refused, and therefore I was limited to pony tails and buns because I was too uncomfortable to wear my "wild" hair any other way. Growing up I never saw any images of
women with hair like mine, not on TV, in videos and surely not in my
classrooms. I have memories of little girls picking at my hair with looks of
disgust saying,
“Why don't you get a perm?”
What was this “perm” they spoke of?
Soon I realized it was the reason every Black girl I knew had straight silky
hair. So I did what any other thirteen-year-old would've done in my shoes. I BEGGED
my mother to relax my hair. I cried when she denied me. It was hard to be a plus size girl and have wild hair. Both of these traits made me unpopular.
It wasn't until graduation that my mom finally allowed me to get a perm. Now I had hair that every
girl envied. It was extra long
and thick, a mane of black hair that almost reached my butt. It was amazing to see how people who never spoke or acknowledged all of a sudden want to crowd around me just to see
if my hair was real and ask to touch it. Everyday people stared in amazement. I was a hair goddess. Because of this new found attention I became
addicted to the creamy crack (relaxer). At the first sight of my
natural hair growing out at the roots I'd run to the store and touch it up
before anyone could see. This habit continued all the way through my mid 20s. I was not prepared for the amount of work it took to maintain this look. I now had to flat
iron my roots, curl my ends with a curling iron every day and use tons of heavy
greasy products to keep it from frizzing; anything to stop my hair from going back to "wild." Slowly but surely my long mane that
had once reached all the way down my back wouldn't grow past my collar bone.
One day as I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but look at my damaged
hair with split ends and say, “What did you do to yourself?!”
In 2005, I started growing my natural hair again. In addition, I decided to do a spiritual makeover. I needed to redefine my definition of beauty from within. No,
I didn't do the “big chop” where some women cut off all of their hair completely
and start from scratch. However, I went through what is known as the “in between” stage, where you allow your
roots to grow out, looking puffy and crazy and slowly cut away your ends until the relaxer is completely gone. The transition was very awkward. Even though I was finding this new
wave of confidence in the "natural" me, men, didn't seem to take a liking to the
new look. I could go out with straight hair and have several suitors, and where the same outfit with my curls and only receive a handful of hellos. It took a
lot of self discovery and rebuilding for me to even train my own eye to love
my natural self. And I mean LOVE not just settle or be content.
Even though society is slowly beginning to embrace the natural look many of us have a long way to go with self acceptance. I know I have come a
long way but I still haven't arrived.
Let's talk corporate America. When I have
meetings, specifically an interview, I still hesitate on whether to wear my hair natural, in fear of coming across unprofessional. We are all a work in progress. I try and hold on to
the principle that I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
Be confident and be
you. Honestly anyone who doesn't accept that is doing you a favor by weeding
themselves out of your life! Being myself has even allowed me to find a spouse that loves me with no filter. Shoot, the day I met him, I was sporting a curly side ponytail, a Thunder Cats hoodie, jeans and Converse sneakers. He later told me, his dream girl was a women with natural black
curls... go figure. Funny thing is my husband suffers from low hair esteem
himself. He's been trying out this fro/hawk style but gets uncomfortable when his hair grows in thinking it looks too nappy. I even had to explain to him that the hair that grows out of our scalp is not bad even though we've been taught otherwise. I
believe we simply haven't been given the option to love our natural hair.
Growing up, there were no tutorials on maintenance, no products and no support.
Luckily, today we have platforms like Urban Chameleon to shed some light on why
we do what we do including the need to chameleon. I'm excited
to teach my unborn baby how to rock their hair, curls or not. With the right
products and styling (the key to any great hair style) we all can
shine! In the words of one of my favorite movies, Just let your soooooooooouuuuul glow!
Brooke is a Gospel Pop Artist and the Star of Oxygen's hit reality show, My Big Fat Revenge. She is also the vocalist behind several commercials including Old Navy and Kia
Motors. Follow her at www.BrookeLugoSmith.com
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