Funnel Cake Flowers comments on Tracey Morgan vs. The Gays

Another Black man bites the gay dust. Tracey Morgan provoked more minority on minorty crime when his stand up routine undermined gay rights. Apparently he joked that if his son ever came home gay that he would stab that little ninja to death. What I find interesting is that no one seems to care that he threatened to murder his son who he referred to as the n word. Where in the world are child services,  the NAACP and that boy's mother. Are we so blinded by which ever minority groups' issue is trending that we ignore other issues. Yes I'm being a little sarcastic. Black on gay crime is ridiculousness. How can one minority group not understand another’s plight for human rights?  But is that the only issue here? One might argue another issue is -what the hell are gays doing at Tracey Morgan stand up routine? Don’t let the 30 rock actor that now appeals to greater American fool you. I remember you hustle man. Like any person of color who climbs the social ladder, inevitably you have to become an Urban Chameleon.  Mr. Morgan your audience is now bigger than def comedy jam, a culture that unfortunately is comfortable with loosely using the “f” word to describe “soft” men. But might this be an opportunity where you can break a chain in Black comic culture. I know thing is for sure it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV  

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Funnel Cake Flowers comments on Malcolm X being gay?

FCF: Marable Manning’s new book on Brother Malcolm X, “A Life of Reinvention,” has caused quite some controversy. Not only does the book challenge Alex Haley’s early interpretation of the prophet’s life but some of the alleged facts have now openly put Malcolm X’s sexual life into question. The question that we might question…is why the hell are we questioning? Isn’t one’s freaky-deakyness their own personal bidness?

Contrasting arguments have been made that the original autobiography has particularly shaped the identity of Black masculinity, which of course as we know can only be heterosexual. There for what will Black men do now? They better think quick because the Gay’s honey have ammo. Sexuality is as complicated as personalities and something we might consider is not letting someone else's determine our own. Orgasms are like civil rights everyone should be entitled to one. I know one thing is for sure, it’s complicated. I’m Funnel Cake Flowers your Urban Chameleon news reporter from Tickles.TV

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Gay Chameleons vs. Urban Chameleons

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor by DJXS

** Picture this, me: Arms folded in my tastefully decorated Harlem condo and giving my laptop screen --- having just digested several posts on the Home of The Urban Chamele

on's website --- some serious, not to be played with side eye action.

Oh, and also picture those same folded arms defiantly below a luscious pair of pursed lips unleashing a few sassy "mmmmm, whateva"s upon further reflection on the aforementioned posts. **

"What's the T, boo?” you ask in a quest for the truth, I’m sure. Well I got a fairy tale for ya that ain’t got a damn thing to with glass slippers, any bears or unemployed white

girls sleeping in castles all day --- hold up, wait a minute!

So, I've been silently flag waving for this whole Urban Chameleon movement for a hot second or two. I mean, it's cute for y'all: engaging tales of effortlessly fluctuating between cultures seemingly at odds with each other. A couple of your stories have even moved me to tears, excuse me, tear. Don’t get it twisted, though; I’m not trying for come for anyone’s personal experiences. The modest display of emotion is simply cuz I loves me a theatrical moment and nothing says "dramatic Oscar clip" better than a singularly shed droplet from mine eye, but I digress.

I can hold my tongue no longer with you Urban Chameleon kids and your culture hopping chatter. Y'all really put the "me" in "chameleon" with all this "I'M juggling several different worlds" and "I-I-I’m always trying to find balance" business --- chile, boo! Oh what? You doin' something special cuz you navigate from “whattup, ma?” to foie gras to Oye Como Va? Mmmm... I vote "nuh uh". No, for the

real deal Holyfield, grab you a notepad Urban Chameleons --- or an iPad (since it is all about "me" with you urban children) --- and don't be late for the bus... cuz you 'bout to be schooled!

Long before you lil' Urban Chameleons and your "chai latte" this and "curry goat" that, there were what? The G-to-the-A-Y-S, oh yes --- THE GAYS! Peep the credentials, honey: throughout history, we gays have been chameleon-ing and fiercely setting the standard on how to do so long before you, the new crew, got all MJ about the situation cuz y'all "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'." Mmm hmmm, so while the Bible, Koran or other noted holy scripture of choice was throwing us back in the day shade with all that tired abomination hateration,

my founding forefathers and foremothers of the rainbow coalition were showin' out at night --- can you say “corset queen catwalk”? --- and blending in during the day with the breeders down atthe horse ‘n’ buggy wash... trust! Yes, celebrated urbies, your struggles are noteworthy but they don’t pre-date the skills of the gay chameleon. So don't get all Nicki Minaj up in this piece and act like y'all birf-ded this ish! Shout out to Lil’ Kim… ugh, what what?

C'mon, take a good look at history: the caterers for The Last Supper?, the designers of the soldiers' Civil War outfits... er, "uniforms"?, the entirety of Greek mythology?, the first recorded telephone transmission(you know, Alex G. Bell's "Mr. Watson, come here I need you" cries of passion)? The common denominator of them all?...HOWYOUDOIN?! Oh... and joo don't know? Probably not since most of these significant moments in history have flown under the gaydar, cuz those crafty kids were what? chameleon-ing, honey --- catch it, learn it, discern it!

Urban You Know Who's, I beseech thee: no more of this "me, je suis, yo soy" way too "I"-centric chameleon talk. Y'all need to pump your breaks and slow down with all that tryin’ to not give credit where credit is due mess --- shooot, where I come from, we consider credit stealing “pulling stunts.” Realize and recognize that this societal adaptability thang got roots like Alex Hailey, boo; it ain't a new phenomenon. I mean, y'all holdin' it down now, but it HAS been held before --- hello, good morning! So to my (g)urban chameleons past and present I say, kudos to us for our deft balancing act and let’s continue to push for a world of mutual cultural enlightenment... or rather, "ooooh, we betta do it! 10's, 10's, 10's across the board! Weeerrrrrrk!"

* Written entirely, of course, with tongue planted firmly in cheek, sorta. :)

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Sex & the City (Gay-rated)

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor Funnel Cake

A gay friend and three straight girl friends spend the evening talking about sex and race on a Friday night over four bottles of wine. The more you drink the more you reveal. Questions about each others past arise involving three sums, sex toys and other erotic fantasies turned reality. Of course the gay man wins for being the most sexually “progressive “ (see blog: Sexual Respectable Black Girl World). The unspoken rules of conversation- whoever’s story is most “interesting” takes the stage and his certainly did when revealing the number of married men he’s encountered who’ve cheated on their wives with other men.

What’s that about? Are these men all on the DL?

Not even. Although some do just get married for the show, the family and or a surrounding community of homophobes some men simply aren’t being sexually satisfied at home. Think about it, he tells us, who better to understand your clitoris than another woman?

Point taken but I’ll stick to a man continuing to find clarity with my clit. He goes on to explain how there are even men who go as far as not even wanting look at the other man, it’s just sexual pleasure. Such a disconnect for me in my straight female world where sex is purely mental but I guess it’s the same idea for a man who can bang a stripper or a jump off and be out.

Online dating is another world he tells us. There are men who write things in their profile like, “Looking for hot guy preferably Italian or Latin no blacks because they stink.” We all gasped! He was so appalled at the time that he reached out to the guy and demanded he come over to his place to smell him. When the guy arrived he was butt naked and told him to start sniffing. After every area was covered he then asked, “Do I smell?” The guy, who turned out to be Mexican, learned that day that not all black people stink.

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Trying to get Grandma not to use the “f word

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

Breaking the habits of a West Indian grandma is like pulling teeth.

Everyone knows my uncle Andre, my grandmother’s youngest son is gay even though no one talks about it. I’m not sure why since no one has a problem with it not even old school grandma. But whenever there is an open invitation for everyone to bring friends to one of our family parties uncle Andre never does. It’s not like uncle Andre doesn’t have any friends he is always the life of the party singing, dancing and cracking the funniest jokes. And at the end of every party grandma tells Andre to please bring some friends next time. That’s just how grandma is she wants to know who your extended family is and for them to know us.

This year grandma insisted that everyone bring at least one person and turned to Andre and said, “Don’t even botha come if you too ashamed of us.” Uncle Andre tried to explain, “It’s not that...they’re always so busy.” Grandma hobbled out of the room on her cane ignoring him. Uncle Andre knew that no excuse was going to be acceptable; and he'd better show up with someone.

The next time we had one of our family parties everyone was getting worried for several hours had gone by and uncle Andre had not shown up. Finally the door bell rung and in walked uncle Andre with a tall, attractive Indian man who he introduced to all of us.

“Everyone this is Ravi.”

Ravi waved a timid hello and everyone smiled back and in unison said, “Hi Ravi. ”

Grandma came from the kitchen and busted through the crowd standing in the entrance way, walked up to Ravi, grabbed his hand and said,

“Nice to meetchu are you a faggot too?”

GRANDMA YOU CAN’T SAY THAT!

Grandma is old school and just not used to the political correct expression so we got to work on her.

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Who Cares if the Gays Get Married?

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

The bill to legalize gay marriage in New York is on the table today. I cannot believe that this is actually an issue that is still an issue. Who cares if gay people get married what’s it to you? And don’t tell me anything about disrupting our morals or bad influences over da kids because I can think of a hell of a lot of other things that we need to band before the gays like Tyler Perry Madea movies! Wait Madea could be gay. Hmmm, that might not be a great accent to my point. The point is that gays are not committing genocide against straight people. Just keep doing you boo.

Let’s now move on to the point of irony, despite the fact that New York’s Black Governor Patterson has initiated this bill (and despite what people think his motives are) I find it baffling that so many Latinos and Blacks are anti-gay. Cause you know we wouldn’t know a thing about the importance of equal rights. Seriously people? I know people of color try to make the argument that two men or two women loving each other is sinful but you do know that very same thing was once said about our marriages and even existence. It amazes me that we can still live in a world let a lone be in this country where equal rights still has to be negotiated.

Gabby Cabby from Tickles.Tv reports on the issue from the west side


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