Why I Don’t Mess With Bebe’s Kids

by today’s Urban Chameleon contributor

My friend and I recently joined a soccer team in NYC. We thought it would be fun way to get some physical activity going since neither of us can seem to make our way to an elliptical machine to save our lives.

Last week we had our first game, which was uptown right on the boarder where regentrification has started. We were caught off guard because when we got off the train along Broadway there were nothing but gourmet restaurants and shops but when we walked a few blocks over to our field a freestyle competition was taking place to the beats of Biggie, Mob Deep and Too Short to name a few. The other players didn’t seem to like this as they were in full concentration mode for the game. We were the only two Black girls jamming to da beats. Our team consisted of white boys who took the game way too seriously and we’re on some World Cup tip, yelling at us “Up the sides! Up the sides!” Neither of us could touch the ball with out taking some aggressive set of directions. At one point I got so nervous I accidentally kicked the ball to the other team and they scored. You know the white boys weren’t happy with this. This was not the friendly game of soccer the sign up guy had assured us.

To add another dynamic layer to the scenario, a group of Bebe’s kids were playing on the side and would every once in a while run on to the field to mess with our game. The Asian referee had constantly keep asking them to leave, which of course made them mess with us more. I tried to stay as far away from Bebe’s kids as my memories took me back to when I was growing up in Bedstuy and the horrific things I saw them kids do so I know what Bebe’s kids are capable and I don’t f*ck wit Bebe’s kids. Not to mention I wasn’t really prepared to break character in front of the white boys and get quintessential Black girl on dey ass.

One of the white boys suggested we just keep playing until a kid gets knocked down. He mentioned that the same thing happens to his friends in London and the kids learn their lesson after getting in the way. I viscerally responded that the difference here is that a kid will come back with a gun. By the look on his face he wasn’t ready for that answer.

Next thing you know, the only Black girl on the other team was in the face of one of Bebe’s girls who couldn’t have been any older than 10. Apparently one of the kids had messed with her stuff, which immediately made my friend and I go and grab our things. As we did this more and more Bebe’s kids began to pile in for the confrontation. Another white boy shouted, “Ohmigod this is like City of God with the runts!” The fact that that was his only reference for badass kids was hysterical. I began to notice that some of the kids were leaving but I didn’t trust it. My friend didn’t either. She whispered to me, "We need to raise up outta here." Just as we were creeping out we saw those same kids come back with water balloons and I thought, “Oh hell nah, for get this game I am not about to get my hair wet!’

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African vs. African Americans

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor

I was recently engaged in an online discussion posted on The Black Snob regarding the hostility between Africans and African Americans, “Why Can't We be Friends?” The Snob mentioned that conversation came out of last week’s annual Harvard Kennedy School Black Policy conference that took place in DC that she opened up for larger discussion on her website. The stereotypes if you’re not familiar are that African/ Caribbean people believe African Americans to be uneducated and lazy having no concept of the world outside the US borders and African Americans view Africans as aggressive, pushy and living in jungles (uuuhhhm ok). I find this debate fascinating and absolutely ridiculous at the same time but more than anything sad because it only reveals that we have so much more work ahead of us. One commentator wrote:

Black folk are the TRUEST Americans..

because we have fought FOR this country. I just don't mean in every military conflict from the Revolutionary War on..

I mean, at the root of progression in this country, over the course of centuries - to live up to its actual creed, is a pile of Black bodies.

And, after Black folk did all the heavy lifting, here comes everyone else, to get the benefits, including Black immigrants that have the audacity to look down on American Black folk.

Hmmmm, now where does this commentator think the Black bodies came from? This is why folks like this be killing me- loud and wrong. We will be the first to bring up some “We shall overcome” and quick to remind white people of their historical discrimination against us but won’t call each out when we do it to each other. Having all shared a common thread of our enslaved ancestors you would think we would be more unified but that’s the irony of slavery- we are so broken from each other and riddled with self hate. You know what they say when you say something hateful about someone else it usually means you hate yourself- and too many hateful comments in our community exists whether it’s about wearing natural hair, someone’s big lips, round nose and or skin tone.

On a different note I sometimes wonder if people of color are even meant to be unified. Thembi from What Would Thembi Do? made a great comment on the blog that it's assumed we all fall within one category because we are of color. However as a result of our ancestry being broken up, languages lost, culture forgotten and spirituality tested and depending on where we landed we’ve had to put our selves back together as individuals and therefore have too many conflicting ideas of how we should exist as a race. It’s just too bad that we still have too many of our own plagued with the “self hate” syndrome to handle these differences progressively. Let’s just face it as Chris Rock says the war on Black folks and Niggas continue.We probably just have a few more generations before the ign’nt are gone and the progressive can thrive …and then who know maybe no more Tyler Perry, Madea movies! (Okay that last part was extra but valid)

What do you think about this war on our selves? Please share some hope.

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Stepping Out Of Your Board Meeting to Deal With Some Pee Pee Bull…

by today's Urban Chameleon contributor Don'tletthaJCrewFoolYa

This past weekend I found myself encountering an Urban Chameleon hurdle- a true straddling of two worlds. I was in Albany for work attending an annual conference with the State Senator to discuss the state of the economy with all the big dogs including guest speaker Warren Buffet, when I get an urgent and panicked call from a childhood friend that I grew up with in the Bronx, Arianna. I excused myself to take the call in the lobby and asked if everything was ok?

“Do you do drugs?” She asked me.

“No.” I replied.

“Like anything, weed, coke, heroine, LCD tabs, Shrooms, Wippets?”

“No, no, no, not since college and no.” I replied.

“How about Antibiotics? Or even Pro-biotics? Are you on any?”

“No, where is this going I’m at a conference with the State Senator and Warren Buffet is about to speak”

“I have a job interview to be the bartender at the Ritz Carlton and the woman said I need clean pee to get the job.”

"Ok what does that have to do with me?"

“I need to borrow some of your pee.”

“What! For what?!”

"In order to pass the drug test duh!"

Okay wait was she really trying to also play me in the mist of asking to borrow some of my pee? I really had to regroup for a minute and keep my eye on the right ball. So I calmly replied,

“I don’t know how comfortable I feel with lending out my urine. Not to mention how are going to even manage bringing it into the bathroom with you. Don’t they check you before you go in? Isn't it going to look suspicious if the urine is not at the appropriate warm body temperature?” Not believing that I was actually entertaining this ridiculous situation, she responds,

“I have a container warmer for the pee, you know like what you keep coffee in, that I'm going to transfer into a small jar right before I go in and stick it in the head wrap imma wear.

Wow she really had this figured out and with my urine.

“Honestly girl, I really just don’t feel comfortable. You’re going to have to ask someone else.”

I hung up not believing what I just had to deal with right now and couldn't help but to wonder if any of my other colleagues were receiving similar calls. I re-entered the ballroom where Buffet was already well into his presentation mad that I had probably missed some valuable information to deal wit some pee pee bullsh*t.

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