This past weekend I found myself encountering an Urban Chameleon hurdle- a true straddling of two worlds. I was in Albany for work attending an annual conference with the State Senator to discuss the state of the economy with all the big dogs including guest speaker Warren Buffet, when I get an urgent and panicked call from a childhood friend that I grew up with in the Bronx, Arianna. I excused myself to take the call in the lobby and asked if everything was ok?
“Do you do drugs?” She asked me.
“No.” I replied.
“Like anything, weed, coke, heroine, LCD tabs, Shrooms, Wippets?”
“No, no, no, not since college and no.” I replied.
“How about Antibiotics? Or even Pro-biotics? Are you on any?”
“No, where is this going I’m at a conference with the State Senator and Warren Buffet is about to speak”
“I have a job interview to be the bartender at the Ritz Carlton and the woman said I need clean pee to get the job.”
"Ok what does that have to do with me?"
“I need to borrow some of your pee.”
“What! For what?!”
"In order to pass the drug test duh!"
Okay wait was she really trying to also play me in the mist of asking to borrow some of my pee? I really had to regroup for a minute and keep my eye on the right ball. So I calmly replied,
“I don’t know how comfortable I feel with lending out my urine. Not to mention how are going to even manage bringing it into the bathroom with you. Don’t they check you before you go in? Isn't it going to look suspicious if the urine is not at the appropriate warm body temperature?” Not believing that I was actually entertaining this ridiculous situation, she responds,
“I have a container warmer for the pee, you know like what you keep coffee in, that I'm going to transfer into a small jar right before I go in and stick it in the head wrap imma wear.
Wow she really had this figured out and with my urine.
“Honestly girl, I really just don’t feel comfortable. You’re going to have to ask someone else.”
I hung up not believing what I just had to deal with right now and couldn't help but to wonder if any of my other colleagues were receiving similar calls. I re-entered the ballroom where Buffet was already well into his presentation mad that I had probably missed some valuable information to deal wit some pee pee bullsh*t.
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